Sunday, August 4, 2013

More Thoughts

I hate the thought of putting my thoughts out for the entirety of the world to look at, I feel so stinking vulnerable, susceptible, and weak. I want to know what each person thinks of me. Do they think I'm a total weirdo? I probably am, but it scares me so much what  people around me think about me, that I let it control like...everything. All the time, every single second, there is fear. Fear of failure, fear of what people will think, fear of judgement, etc, etc. I have a horrible fear of what people think about me. I hate to think that someone thinks poorly of me in anyway. I have always had a low self esteem, and I base my worth on people thinking good things about me. And for some reason, I trust the judgement of random strangers more than the judgement of those who know me best, or even know me at all! I seem to care more about what the random person in the grocery store thinks of me, than what God thinks of me. I have some pretty obviously messed up priorities here! Here I am, worrying about what everyone will think of me if I do something maybe slightly incorrect, (incorrect by what standards?).
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
- 2nd Timothy 1:7
 God calls us to let go of that fear - of any kind of fear actually - He is our strength, our life, our light, He is faithful in all things, and yet all we do is sit around and be fearful! So, I've decided: who cares about what the world thinks of me? NOT ME. I'm only (or at least I'm gonna try...) going to care about what God thinks of me. I've let people I don't even know control so much of my life, it's really sad. No more, they can think what they think, and I'll just be over in my little corner doing my thing: following God.  No longer will what others think of me control my self worth, my happiness, or (almost) anything I do. No more masks, I'm not going to conform to what ever the next person thinks I should be, I'm going to be me. So much of the time I'm hiding behind these masks, and I'm tired of acting how I think people want me to to act. I don't care anymore (well, I do care, but it's not going to control me anymore). They don't control my happiness, God does. He thinks I'm great, so great that he died for me. If the creator of the entire universe thinks I'm worth dying for, I guess I'm just going to trust Him, and let the world's opinion sink to the bottom of some deep dark pit. My joy will come from God. It doesn't matter what I am going through, I am going to be joyful. This world almost had me beat a while back, but various things recently have reminded me that life is so much bigger than me. I'm not really that important, but God can use me to bring glory to himself. After what God did for me by sending His son to die for my sins, it is nothing in comparison for me to live a little longer on this earth and try to bring others to Him.
"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?"
-Psalm 27:1
"They mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens; and they faithfulness reacheth unto the clouds." 
-Psalm 36:5
God has given us the tools to not have any need for fear. If we'll surrender to Him, he leaves that option open for us all the time. But instead of just trusting Him, we sit useless, crippled by fear. If we let God put His strength, His life, His light into us, then we have absolutely no reason to fear anyone. We have the almighty God of the universe on our side! He will put the right words in our mouths, and even if those words come out imperfectly, that's what God would have us to do for Him.

"And now , Lord, what wait I for? My hope is in thee."
-Psalm 39:7

YOLO

This currently insanely popular acronym for "You Only Live Once" is so very true. But contrary to what most think when someone says something like this (as it is made to imply that you should go and party while you can) I want to take a different perspective. You only live once. Think about it. Let it sink in. You only live once. You've got one shot at this...ONE. God isn't going to give you a second chance at life once you die. Make your decisions carefully, you can't correct them later; you only live once. You don't know how much time you're going to have on this earth. You could die today. You could die tomorrow. You don't know, and you only live once. You could leave this earth at any moment. So, what are you going to do with your life? Party? Are you going to spend it pretending to be something you're not, hiding behind a mask? Will anyone remember you for anything you did, or will you fade away like so many others? You only live once, so everything you do, what does it mean? If you only live once, do you want to spend that time not being yourself, hiding behind a fake identity? Do you want to spend it in a way that effects only a few select people, and them in an insignificant way? God has a plan for your life, this life that you only live once. His plan for you will be fulfilling, your one life will be used in ways only God can see.